Friday, May 25, 2007

ladies who launch

‘Ah well’ sighed the reporter ‘They did warn me it wouldn't all be hobnobbing with famous people in this job’. She peered at me across the table in the corner of the Badger Baiter pub in Keighley. ‘One day I’m interviewing Nora Jones, next day...' she looked me up and down. I didn't look my best, I admit. '...next day, Nora Batty. Nowt but bloody Noras lately!' I smiled meekly. ‘I tell you what’, she said, inhaling deeply on her big cigar as she balanced the twins on her knees. ‘This smoking ban’ll be the death of this business’. I nodded, and tried to concentrate on my agent’s exitement at announcing the launch of my media career with this first proper interview. ‘You mean the pub business?’ I asked. She shook her head ‘No, Journalism’, she replied. ‘This is your first interview then pet?’ she asked. I nodded. ‘Aye, thought as much’. She looked down at the twins and raised her eyebrows. ‘Work life balance, heh?’ she said, ‘Bollocks’ . She paused. ‘Run along to bar now girls, fetch mummy another vodka. Make it a double, it’s like pulling teeth with one’. She blew some perfectly formed smoke rings which floated above the table as we waited for the girls to return. ‘I met that girl from 'my boyfriend is a twat' last week, you know’, she said. ‘Now she were a real lady’. ‘But I’m a…’ I sighed, what was the point. Her daughters returned with a large vodka. She looked at her watch. ‘Oh bugger it!’ she exclaimed. ‘I’m late for Dulwichmum's book launch, we’ll have to leave it there pet’, and she got up to leave. ‘Have you got any more questions?’ I asked 'well…’ she began. I looked hopeful. ‘Are you going to eat them chips or not pet?’ I shook my head and she grabbed a handful off my plate and pushed her way out through the door, wiping mayonnaise from her chin with her sleeve. I sighed and quickly wrote down the address of Dollymix where my women who blog interview would soon appear. I just hoped that when I wrote about this interview on the blog Linda the journalist wouldn't spot any minor inaccuracies which might have crept in to my account as a result of the amount I had had to drink that lunchtime. I thought it would probably be alright. I finished my bloody nora, I mean bloody mary, and went to look for the ladies.

7 comments:

Linda said...

Oh Rilly, it rilly was super of you Darling to show me your local haunts, I shall have to return the favour one day - you can come and share some Black Country faggots and peas, one of the days, perhaps we could get tickets for the next gurning competition, where I'm in with a shot so long as I take my teeth out.

Flaming Nora said...

Rilly, dear, I have a friend in the north with a very similar writing style to you. You might know him, perchance?

aims said...

Just - absolutely - loved - this -

DM said...

Rilly darling, you are a genius!

DM

@themill said...

Rilly dahling, so glad you are eventually getting the recognition your stoic forebearance of a life most grim deserves.

mutterings and meanderings said...

Bravom Rilly! Next stop... The Sunday Times ...

rilly super said...

linda, how could I possibly refuse such an invitation? I presume we would be in the VIP hospitality box at the gurning competition. Thankyou for the interview, it was a lot of fun.

flaming nora dear, thanks for sropping by. I wonder if your friend and I could be neighbours? Perhaps I should seek him out..

aims, thankyou dear

dm, have you downsized your name? everybody seems to be downsizing everything nowadays!

@mill, well, one has to deal with the press darling, I must introduce you to Max Clifford some time.

M&M, that would be lovelty but I fear that WITN has the sunday times sewn up, sigh