Thursday, May 10, 2007

american pie

‘Mummy?’ Tilly raised her sleepy pretty little head up from her breakfast and rubbed her eyes. ‘Yes dearest?’ I said, the paragon of parental perfection despite the hour. ‘Why are we having apple pie for breakfast?’ I smiled at her childlike innocence. ‘Because we have to cater for our American readers now darling, and my agent says that apple pie is their national symbol or something and shows we are just a normal family with a normal life with which they can identify’. ‘And why are we having maple syrup on it?’ continued the sleepy headed questioning. ‘Because a maple is a vegetable and it counts towards our government healthy eating ‘five a day’ target, and it shows what a good mother I am’, I smiled. ‘But Mummy...’ said Tilly. ‘Yes dear?’ I sighed. ‘Why are we having breakfast at five in the afternoon?’ I laughed a loving motherly laugh. 'Because it’s breakfast time in Los Angeles darling, so shut the f*** up and eat your pie or we'll never manage to have lunch before the ten o'clock news at this rate!' said I, with a loving smile.

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

ACE ACE ACE !!! And Wifey is in such a sensitive state she is no longer accepting anonymous comments.. In a few short weeks you will have the monopoly on the misery memoirs market!

Three Cheers for Rilly !!

spymum said...

Sounds like a normal breakfast time chez Spymum!

Well done Rilly! How about some beakers of wine as a nod to France and Italy! (Then again, a beaker of wine is my answer to everything).

EmmaK said...

darling...thanks for trying to lure your american readers, but you do know that for them a really scrummy breakfast is pancakes, maple syrup and bacon or sausages, all fused together like some cholesterol monster. I've never really been able to stomach it since I got here.

Lizzie said...

Rilly, take care with the Social Services people.(You know one only has to swear at one's children these days...) And they appear in all sorts of shapes & sizes - though mainly, it is said, they tend to be large & voluminously dressed, so you're quite likely to spot them coming, at least.

Sarnia said...

Wonderful stuff, Rilly!

American apple pie is revolting. They don't have cooking apples over there so pies are made with sweeter pink type ones. Yuk.

(Spymum - snap re: beaker of wine being answer to everything!)

The Secretary said...

Could be worse - left over pizza, last night's curry, even crisps have passed for breakfast in my house on a bad morning - ie., alarm not going off and grabbing something on the run. God bless teenagers, they'll eat anything.

Spymum and Sarnia - Mines a beaker of G&T

mutterings and meanderings said...

I love cold pizza for breakfast.

But living in rural Northumberland, one just can't get the takeaways, sigh ...

J.J said...

Yes Lizzie, there is always a social worker lurking around - and here I am. Whether I am large and voluminously dressed though is for others to decide.

dulwichmum said...

I personally love chicken tikka masala for breakfast. Oh how I remember eating it sitting on my bed when living in halls... Rilly you are terribly cosmopolitan!

Drunk Mummy said...

Dulwich Mum - that's a spooky co-incidence. I actually fell asleep once in a chicken tikka masala that I was eating in bed. When I woke up, I simply had to remove the bits of rice from my hair, then I was all set for breakfast in bed!

Pig in the Kitchen said...

Rilly, you are fab! Just in from a night out and what a good bedtime story.
thank-you!
Pigx (hic)

@themill said...

Rilly , you mean you don't eat bacon butties?

mutterings and meanderings said...

Drunk Mummy, I feel asleep in a curry once at a restaurant table. I blame drinking on an empty stomach ...

Anonymous said...

Rilly, but how are you going to lever up the misery now that Wifey looks to be going over the edge /contemplating escaping to London and leaving the kids ?

What about a tale about a weekend of retail therapy which goes horribly wrong when you leave the travel arrangements up to your husband...

Okay, so that hasn't actually happened yet..but you could drop a hint when hubby is around ?

Lizzie said...

J.J -- You didn't happen to have your fortune told by a woman reading the Tarot a few years ago, did you? I only ask ...

debio said...

That you're embracing other cultures is admirable.

You are so much more flexible and open-minded than I.....

When my husband eats the remains of a Chinese take-out for breakfast it is not my cue to discuss that civilisation - I tend to call into question his 'take' on his own civilisation.

I am just not worldly, I suppose

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Leftover pizza for breakfast is my most favourite meal in the world! Such a slattern in the kitchen first thing I am. Can't quite stomach curry first thing tho so always have it for brunch - how European!

@themill said...

Rilly dear, I would appreciate it if you could take a little time from your gruelling northern life to look at my latest blog as I feel sure you could offer sage advice on what appears to be befalling me.

Anonymous said...

Rilly, Please reassure me you are not going to start using hideous American spelling for things like :-

flavor

color

center

traveled

Only someone who has sold out to the ratings grabbing yanks to such an extent that she has advertising on her blog could do such a thing..

lady macleod said...

13 May 2007

Happy Mother's Day!

rilly super said...

anonymous, thank you dear, It seems I am very much more fortunate than wifey on the anonymous comments front!

spymum, can you recommend a cheeky little number that goes with apple pie and maple syrup. Anything except meths'll do, sigh.

emma, thanks ever so for dropping by! I'm not sure if we can manage all that, sigh. I fear therefore that my attempt to break the american market will end up as more Borat that Beatles, sigh

Lizzie, I will indeed be vigilant, although all my childcare methods are officially approved, if not necesarily in this country...

sarnia, no cooking apples?! they don't really make pies out of Granny Smith, surely? But they seem so normal...

ah secretary dear, with natalia in charge of the cooking it's more likely to be left over gulasz or kaszanka...

M&M, surely all pizza in northumberland is cold after it had been delivered from Newcastle...

JJ, I think she lizzie meant that all social workers are tall and so slim that their dresses just flap around, what with them being so scelte as to have trouble buying clothes in their kate Moss dress size. Thanks ever so for visiting, it's lovely to see you...

dulwichmum, please do be careful dear. I am trying to sell books here, so the last people I want to attract are students...

Drunkmummy, that is actually an offcial ray mears survival technique, also useful when invited to an expensive restaurant where you know to expect small portions.

PITK, are you saying this blog helps you fall asleep?

@mill, darling, this is up north and sometimes that's all we can get!

M&M, ah yes, the old 'empty stomach' ploy, don't worry dear, you're amongst friends here!

to be continued...

rilly super said...

anonymous, I don't need to lever it up, the misery that I endure is too much already, sob sob...

Lizzie, reading the Tarot? oh, the magazines you can get in the south that you take for granted I can only dream of here, sigh

Debio, oh please don't mention civilisation, I am up north remember, It only reminds me I left it behind

Nunheadmum, I think curry in the morning is ok if you can still go to work after the requisite six pints of lager at seven in the morning, or so says my husband

@mill, of course, I would love to drop by

anonymous, howdy pardner, I can assure you I will not take this american thing too far, no sireee!

lady macleod, oh gawd, is that today in america? I wondered why it was quite around here today on the US visitors front. And there was me thinking I didn't appeal over there...

rivergirlie said...

i'm delighted to learn that maple syrup is a vegetable. add that to jaffa cakes (a righ source of vitamin c, but it starts to deteriorate once the packet is open, so you have to eat them all at once), and popcorn.
x