Sunday, July 08, 2007

last of the summer whine

I walked into the bar at the hotel earlier this evening. Three other women were speaking English in the corner so I got a drink and went to join them. It turned out they had all downshifted to Yorkshire like I had. ‘Well, I said, ‘I never thought I’d get away on holiday, but my husband said he’d look in on the children from time to time and here I am with a lovely glass of Chateau de Chassilier'. ‘Oh darling', said the woman to my left, ‘I quite understand. My husband is away so much I have to tell the au pair what to do all by myself!’ I sighed. ‘My husband works in London’, I said, ‘and I only see him occasionally.’ The woman opposite me entered the discussion: ‘That’s nothing!' she said, 'My husband commutes to New York every day and then spends twenty two hours a day at the office before he comes home to write his northern downshifting novel’. ‘You’re lucky!’ said the woman on my right. ‘My husband works in the international space station, and you try running your own private equity firm and doing stunts for Bruce Willis after a twenty thousand mile commute!' ‘How often do you see him?’ I asked. 'I would see him tonight’, she sighed, 'but it's cloudy.' I looked down at my glass. ‘You know when we moved to the north we couldn’t find any glasses so we had drink the Nuits Saint Georges out of coffee mugs for the first week’, I smiled. ‘You were lucky!’ said the lady to my right. ‘Our builders didn’t even leave enough of a gap in the pantry for the wine cooler so we had to put the Chablis in the normal fridge when we downshifted!' ‘You were lucky!’ came the reply from across the table. ‘We used to DREAM of having a pantry! But the wind turbine that powered the authentic eco friendly Georgian electric sliding doors got refused planning permission so we had to tie the wine to the bullbars on the front of the range rover and drive around the village at a hundred miles an hour every night whilst reading a bedtime story to the children in the back seat just to cool it down!' ‘Luxury!’ came the reply. ‘We couldn’t even move into our house when we downshifted as the two houses we bought hadn’t been knocked through yet! How can a family live in one house?!’ We all shook out heads. ‘But’, the first lady said, ‘I'll tell you something, it’s so grim up north that if you tell people about it on a blog they won’t believe ya!'

21 comments:

@themill said...

Rilly, you are a very wicked, but very funny woman.

mutterings and meanderings said...

People have no idea at all just how grim it is, I really don't know how you manage Rilly... I'm surprised you haven't gone stark, staring mad!

Drunk Mummy said...

Dear Rilly - you have finally unearthed a valid reason for the bullbars on the front of a 4WD! I always wondered why they were there!

I Beatrice said...

Talk about oneupmanship! Apparently there's even a downsizers' vrsion of it now. I'm trying to picture its logo - the Downsizers' Oneupmanshipclub. It positively makes you feel like moving north just to claim membership!

And there was I watching Harry Potter movies the other day, and thinking that everyone in the North must live in magnificent old castles....

The thinker said...

Do you mean you ony live as high up as Yorkshire - that's almost the Midlands - I thought you were really high up - up in the northern hemi wotsits.
Yorkshire is civilised. It's just that you have to live in the area for about 25 years before they reckon you're not a stranger.
Ah bar gum lass ...

Sarnia said...

LOL!

Goodness though - people speaking English in a bar oop North (and not speaking Northern).

rilly super said...

&mill, thanks for dropping by. I'm not wicked really, just misunderstood, sigh

M&M, I'm pleased that you don't think I have already dear

drunkmummy, well, for that reason and in case you hit any sheep or cows or ramblers that have strayed onto the road

beatrice, not everyone lives in magnificent old castles, some of us live in old castles that still need doing up you know, builders, huh...

thinker, midlands?! we're nearer to Scotland than to Sheffield here you know, so it's still pretty grim

sarnia, I'm still in the south of france dear. I'm afraid I don't have the palm tree props that the original 'four yorkshiremen' had, sigh

Anonymous said...

Rilly, dear, what I would love to know is - When is your 'Garden Party' so we can all pop round and cheer you up ?

ziggi said...

you're lucky my husband comes home every night!

Lizzie said...

The ex husband came from Northern Stock. They're always 'up north' even when they're 'down south'.

xx

Sarnia said...

Blimey - how silly of me (must have had a sip or two of Bristol Cream before posting).

enidd said...

you were lucky. enidd used to have to get up at five in the morning, half an hour before she went to bed, and drink a bottle of cold Krug, without milk or sugar.

Stay at home dad said...

Poor Rilly. How exciting some people's lives are. Can we start a space station collection for you?

Flowerpot said...

life is hard, Rilly, but you put a wonderfully brave face on it. And talking of alcohol.....

Anonymous said...

for a lovely picture of Rilly Super please see

www.guardian.co.uk/hutton/keyplayers/story/0,13842,1029677,00.html

rilly super said...

anonymous, how tantalising of you to post a link and then cut the end off, you little minx. I did follow it up the long way, so to speak but only found a picture of some chap called Rufford from the Sunday Times, sigh, and as I would dread to think that people thought I would pretend to be someone else I am obliged to disappoint you and advise that either your research or your link posting needs some more work. Thanks for dropping by however, it's always lovely when people take the trouble to comment...

Mr Farty said...

Yorkshire, oop North? Not from where I'm standing!

The noo.

Brilliant update on a great skit.

rilly super said...

just you wait till I start 'wife in Muckle Flugga' blog Mr farty....

Pig in the Kitchen said...

I have been away Rilly and am bewildered by the amount of postings - your agent must be very proud. This is a particularly fine one especially the bull bars and the wine!

Poker Small Blind said...

The authoritative point of view, curiously..

Blogger said...

There is a chance you are qualified for a new government sponsored solar rebate program.
Find out if you qualify now!