Friday, July 06, 2007

breakfast epiphanys

‘Mummy’, began Tilly hesitantly at the other end of the line. ‘Yes dear’ I said. ‘You know those really tiny USB pen thingys?’ she continued. ‘You mean like the one that I wrote today’s blog post on before I went away and left with you children to put on the internet?’ I asked. ‘Erm, yes’, stammered Tilly. ‘What about them?’ I queried. ‘Do you think it would be a problem if the baby swallowed one mummy?’ she asked. I thought for a moment. ‘Well, I suppose if the lid was on then no files should be lost’ I reassured her. ‘I meant for the baby’, she said. ‘How would I know? Who do you think I am, Gina blaardy Ford!?’ I snapped, but then the full seriousness of the situation hit me. Oh Gawd, I thought, no blog for a whole week again. My agent was going to kill me. I thought quickly. ‘Tilly’ I said ‘There’s a list of emergency numbers by the phone’. There was a pause. ‘Oh yes, I see them’, said Tilly fearfully. She began reading down the list; ‘Interior designer…Fen shui consultant….Doctor….PC World…’ She was stopped by my interruption. ‘That’s the one dear. I have to go now because my pain au chocolate is getting cold. I’m counting on you girls to act responsibly now Tilly!’ and I hung up. I gazed out over the balcony and burdened with the demands of parenthood, shook the last drop of brandy into my coffee. My lyrical and insightful writings on the everyday life of an ordinary family may yet be recovered from this holiday, but I didn't know if I ever would be. Perhaps I needed to rethink my life, and at the very least start backing up on CD...

20 comments:

Kevin D said...

I love the fact the first thought was for the USB pen!

Great post!

Suburban Mum said...

Brilliant!

Anonymous said...

nick ruff?

@themill said...

Rilly, your fortitude astounds.

Lizzie said...

rilly, i need your ...... urmm.

Lizzie said...

Support.... i think...

Anonymous said...

Rilly, Welcome to the world of 'podslurping' where the most vital secrets of your enemies can be secreted out of their homes and offices, cunningly hidden in a baby..

Suggest you pop round to Wifey with sproglet and get Milly and Tilly to repeat this unfortunate incident, but with hopefully more profitable results..

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Dear rilly - I trust your pain au chocolat was still edible after the drama or did it need reheating?

The thinker said...

I can see you are really doing all you can to help your children to become independent. You are to be commended or something ...
Now that the north is safe from terroist NHS doctors do you think you might consider coming home soon?

The Secretary said...

You didn't condem your precious USB pen to pissyworld, surely!

Sarnia said...

Rilly - did you know that the quite dreadful Davina McCall (who for some reason was a panelist on Question Time last night) also has a daughter called Tilly? She isn't you is she? You're not her, are you?

Also (in pedantic mode) isn't the plural of epiphany err epiphanies? If it isn't it bloody well should be.

Mr Farty said...

Good to see you've got your priorities sorted out.

I Beatrice said...

I recommend an external hard drive Rilly - easier than a disc, and doesn't get lost so easily as one of the pen thingys...

I require a boffin to come in each time I want to add to it, mind - but I'm sure I'll get to grips with it in the end.

dulwichmum said...

Oh Rilly, There is nothing I despise more than a dried out pain au chocolat - reassure us please?

DM

Anonymous said...

i beatrice - and you know what they say; 'You can't beat a good boffin'..

lady macleod said...

LOL

rivergirlie said...

those children of yours are sooo irresponsible. it's a wonder you manage to be so creative - but thank the lord you are!
i wondered if the emergency number was going to be that of your colonic hydrotherapist ...

debio said...

I'm so pleased that you can pick the bones out of an emergency straightaway, rilly.

rilly super said...

kevin, thanks ever so for dropping by - with comments like that, you can come by anytime dear

suburban mum, lovely to see you. I had a bit of a visit to your blog and in the words of the Smiths, 'manchester, so much to answer for...'

anonymous, you will need to elaborate on that a little I'm afraid but thanks for visiting

@mill, one has to make the best of one's circumstances you know, sigh

Lizzie, if there is anything I can say that will pursuade you not to stop doing your blog...I would miss you if you stopped

anonymous, I disn't realise I had stumbled onto a new technological trend, but then stumbling in to it is how I usually discover these things. How does this work in practice? Are USB pens usually swallowed in a condom like cocaine?

nunheadmum, sigh, it just didn't appeal after that call I'm afraid. I suppose it was the shock of someone swallowing my stories that did it..

thinker, I suppose I shall have to come home some time, but where is home? that is the question, sigh

secretary, all things shall come to pass, and my memory stick is no different I hope

sarnia, flattered as I am by this suggestion and obvioulsy understanding how you thought there might be a touch of the big brother house about this blog I'm afraid my lawyers have told me to deny I am related to Davina or that she bore surrogate children for me. If you are right about the spelling then surely Audry Hepburn starred in 'breakfast at Tiffanies'...

Mrfarty, this is what parenthood forces on you my dear..

beatrce, perhaps you are right. Can you point me in the direction where I might find a good boffin?

dulwichmum, I'm afraid I couldn't finish it after that call. It just reminded me of the ones I bought from Lidl when we first moved to the north, sob

anonymous, I would agree, but I can't remember far enough back. sigh

me ladyship, thanks ever so for dropping by as always. Surely I can put some kind of 'by royal appointment' crest on this blog as a result of your visits...

rivergirlie, the colonic hydrotherapist might have shorted out the chip dear, and then what would I have done?

Debio, well, it's our strength as women that we're good in a crisis, sister

Sarnia said...

Rilly - Audrey Hepburn starred in 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'.