Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Newcastle, New Title

I went to Newcastle, where they have the nearest working telephone to my village, to pick up a message from my agent in London today. 'Rilly, dear' he began, 'Ran your idea for the new title of your book about how grim it is in the north past Viking-Penguin earlier and they say The Satanic Mills really works for them dear, on so many levels. They had a big hit with something similar a few years ago as I recall, went down a bomb, and as well as that whole Salman Rushdie meets Chariots of Fire meets Jilly Cooper eighties nostalgia thing (you're a genius dear!) they reckon if they send a couple of their Australian lads up north to wind up the spiritual leader Geoffrey Boycott about The Ashes they can even get a fatwah out on you. Apparently Komeini asked for 5% last time and although they reckon it might cost a bit more this time around as we're dealing with those awful Northerners instead of the Iranians it doubled the sales back then so it's worth a shot. Anyway, got to go darling, I'm taking Wife in the North to Fifteen. The staff there all feel sorry for her with her grim life you know, being disadvantaged themselves, so we get extra helpings, talk soon dear..' and as the dial tone replaced my agent's enthusiasm over the handset I thought to myself, could I really be so successful as an author writing about how grim it is up north that I could afford to buy a bigger place down south? The truth really is stranger than fiction...

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

rilly, love your blog, but aren't you missing something ? It appears like another person I could mention, you haven't had a good boffing in ages ?

Maybe you could set yourself apart from the competition which seems to suffer from 'premature evisceration' of any saucy stuff long before any bodices are ripped, if you know what I mean.

Then again, I think it was the TV critic tom sutcliffe who said that Bronte had that great V6 engine of literary fiction under the bonnet - deferred consumation...

Anonymous said...

There, there, are you feeling a bit left out that WITN has a book deal and you don't yet ? Don't you worry.

I'll give you one !!

Anonymous said...

Oh, it's only a matter of time before Craig's weekly column in the 'Eye' is superseded by this little masterpiece..

mutterings and meanderings said...

You mean you can't get a signal on the mobile even if you hang backwards out of the bathroom window? That's the way we communicate with the outside world up here, Rilly.

rilly super said...

anonymous, thanks ever so for visiting and for your very kind comments. I hope to post some more snippets of my novel if that's the kid if thing you're after so watch this space.

mutterings and meanderings, you can get mobile reception hanging backwards out of the bathroom window? you don't know how lucky you are! that's not the country where you are, that's the suburbs at the very least!

Anonymous said...

Rilly, Milly and Tilly - get your thinking caps on - Wifey has some problems, and that won't do, since you don't want a competitor for the 'Strife in the North' title do you?!

Jack Havana said...

I normally avoid other people's blogs, you never know what you might catch. But you, dear Rilly, have become a regular fix. Absolute class.

rilly super said...

anonymous, don't think I'm in competition with wifey I'm afraid, different leagues all together I'd say

jack, thanks ever so for visiting, and certainly hope to see you again soon