bruises are blue, Tilly Tilly

My excitement at Wife in the North's return has been rather tempered by her sombre tone and also by similar events in my own life. Tilly came home from school with a big bruise on her head and a distinct reluctance to tell me how it occurred today. When I questioned big sister about it I found out that it was as I had feared. She had got a lift to school with Freya’s mummy (the school is all the way over the other side of the road and obviously she can’t take the bus because some local children use it) and unfortunately, my impetuous daughter had got out of the car before Freya’s mother had put the step ladder up and poor Tilly therefore performed the time honoured act of falling headfirst out of a large agricultural vehicle, a fall commonly known as the Fulham Flop, after the district of London famous for it’s farms and rough terrain and therefore prevalence of such accidents. It’s a good thing I was back from my recent trip away to comfort young Tilly in her distress, so I made her a cup of cocoa and calmed her down in the old fashioned way, with a lullaby. Soon she was snoozing like a baby, sigh.

Hush now baby, don’t you fret
Mummy’s gonna write about you on the internet

And if that don’t cheer up your gloomy look
This is all great material for mummy’s book

You’ll look back on this and think it’s groovy
When you see yourself fall over in the movie

Hush now baby, stop all this commotion
Mummy’s gonna use you in her self promotion

And if mummy’s book doesn’t sell
Kiss goodnight to the film rights as well

So remember that your childhood adversity
Will pay for you to go to university

Hush now baby don’t you worry
It’s not as if there’s any tarmac in the north to fall on like there is in Surrey