Thursday, March 22, 2007

bruises are blue, Tilly Tilly

My excitement at Wife in the North's return has been rather tempered by her sombre tone and also by similar events in my own life. Tilly came home from school with a big bruise on her head and a distinct reluctance to tell me how it occurred today. When I questioned big sister about it I found out that it was as I had feared. She had got a lift to school with Freya’s mummy (the school is all the way over the other side of the road and obviously she can’t take the bus because some local children use it) and unfortunately, my impetuous daughter had got out of the car before Freya’s mother had put the step ladder up and poor Tilly therefore performed the time honoured act of falling headfirst out of a large agricultural vehicle, a fall commonly known as the Fulham Flop, after the district of London famous for it’s farms and rough terrain and therefore prevalence of such accidents. It’s a good thing I was back from my recent trip away to comfort young Tilly in her distress, so I made her a cup of cocoa and calmed her down in the old fashioned way, with a lullaby. Soon she was snoozing like a baby, sigh.

Hush now baby, don’t you fret
Mummy’s gonna write about you on the internet

And if that don’t cheer up your gloomy look
This is all great material for mummy’s book

You’ll look back on this and think it’s groovy
When you see yourself fall over in the movie

Hush now baby, stop all this commotion
Mummy’s gonna use you in her self promotion

And if mummy’s book doesn’t sell
Kiss goodnight to the film rights as well

So remember that your childhood adversity
Will pay for you to go to university

Hush now baby don’t you worry
It’s not as if there’s any tarmac in the north to fall on like there is in Surrey

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Tremendous work Rilly !

Mind you, I was quite an independent child when I first started school, but I didn't get in to any scrapes either.

I think she needs to understand that newcomers will take a bit of time to be absorbed to the ways of the north.

As you say, by the time the child has adapted..it will be time for it to go to university...

Anonymous said...

Rilly, I can't help thinking that you could offer Wifey better advice than the rubbish being suggested to her at the moment [example below].

One wonders which planet these people have arrived from..

"In retrospect of course I realise that I made myself the parent from hell and YOU KNOW WHAT, I think I was justified. It worked, anyway. Probably your infant's school has been run by the same dozy bunch for the last 280 years and they haven't caught on to new thinking in terms of being inclusive. There are constructive things you could suggest, like maybe a "friendship post" encouraging active anti-bullying campaigns etc.

You are not being unreasonable or overprotective. Protecting your child is your job. It's also your job to make sure that other people like schools and doctors and dentists are doing their jobs properly. So be strident. Be more than strident. Go nuclear."

Lizzie said...

Gosh Rilly, your poor daughter Tilly. May I suggest that a small parachute strapped to her back would be helpful in the future.

mutterings and meanderings said...

Ouch!

local yokel said...

Fan dabby dozy Rilly!

Anonymous said...

More like fan-dabby-double-dozy, local yokel - yay !!

Jack Havana said...

Rilly Super, you are the pub at the end of the walk, the kiss at the end of the date, the single malt at the end of the dinner. I fucking love you.

Mopsa said...

Hi Rilly. Coping with crap aside, you have received yet another Thogger to add to the plaudits being heaped etc etc. Couldn't resist.

Anonymous said...

Rilly

Why not try being original and kind, as opposed to imitative and unkind?

Wife in the North can write like a dream. That's why she's getting all the fanfare and a healthy dollop of cold hard cash.

The rest of the imitators are, well, just imitators. Imitators who can't write by and large. Do your own thing girl.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if the second anonymous commentator (see above) has actually read the WITN blogs?

Three trips to casualty following injuries sustained at school by a six year old boy is a serious matter.

WITN has not said whether the school has proper antibullying policies that are meaningfully enforced. But it doesn't sound like the teachers are doing their jobs properly.

Perhaps if you had a child that was not only being sent to Coventry but being physically assaulted, you might feel differently.

I wonder if Anon No2 is actually a fully paid up and card-carrying member of the dozy bunch?

Anonymous said...

Yeah, tremendous.

So a little boy gets regularly beaten up at school and the problems are all with WITN who needs to understand that "newcomers will take a bit of time to be absorbed to the ways of the North".

I live in the North. No way would I let my kids get beaten up like that. And frankly, I wouldn't want my child to adapt to it either.

Do you think your blog is funny or ironic? I don't think so. I think that using a child's pain for a cheap laugh is totally sick. Rilly and truly sick.

Anonymous said...

Pay no attention to your detractors, Rilly. Keep up the great work.

rilly super said...

oh gosh! well, all I can say is thankyou to everyone for their very kind comments. I can't comment on bullying because my own poor Tilly simply had a bit of a tumble. I can see some people are a little concerned about my poor daughter after her Fulham Flop and I am most touched but please be reassured that she is fully recovered and she doesn't mind me exploiting her for my blog at all, as long as I don't post the home video on youtube.

Sarnia said...

Oh bloody hell! LOL!!!!!!!!!!

Silly, silly Mummy! said...

Well done!

Was feeling slightly squeamish reading WIFN blog - especially the comments from the acolytes who think it would be a rilly good idea to set up indentikit blogs with "muumy" this or that in the title.

Who ARE these people?

Yours is a welcome and thoroughly amusing antidote!

rilly super said...

thanks ever so for dropping by sarnia and silly mummy and for your kind comments. Do hope to see you again soon.

Pig in the Kitchen said...

Strife you are v. funny! Have enjoyed reading your posts and especially the bitchy comments...what fun!

rilly super said...

thanks ever so for dropping by Pig in the kitchen dear, hope you come by again soon

spymum said...

Again, just brilliant; Your lullaby has me crying with laughter - just what I need today!

I do hope Tilly is recovered from her Fulham Flop. If there are no parachutes to be had, two feather pillows (tied back and front) may do the trick!