Saturday, June 09, 2007

smells like teen sheepdip

A sleepy little head emerged from beneath the covers and sleepy little eyes opened to greet me. ‘Mummy’ said their sleepy owner, my daughter Milly, sleepily, ‘Yes dear?’ I smiled. ‘Is it Saturday?’ she whispered. ‘yes dear’, I nodded, smiling. ‘Well just f**k off then will you mummy’ she said and disappeared back under the duvet. I pulled the covers back and she glared at me ‘You need to get up dear, you’ve got your first riding lesson today, remember’. Milly sighed. ‘But why do we need to learn to ride Mummy?’ she asked. ‘Because you two haven’t done anything entertaining for this blog for ages and if you don’t start performing for the readers then I’ll give you both to Madonna for adoption. We live in the north now remember and she’s on the look out for third world children like you’. There was another groan. ‘But Mummy, we have to go to school all week, can’t we have a lie in at the weekend?’ she asked. ‘Well!’ I snapped, ‘and what do you think I do all week then?!’ I was quite annoyed now. She looked perplexed and thought about the question for some time. ‘Actually, mummy’, she began, ‘what do you do all week?’ I was quite indignant now. ‘Well, for a start I, erm, and then I have to, err, you know, umm, and then there’s all the, ahhh, errr, to do as well!’ I had had enough of this. ‘I want you and your sister ready to go to the stables in half an hour or else I’ll ring wife in the north and swap you both for her children. Let’s see if she can write amusing stories about family life when she only has you two to work with!’ ‘Will you come with us to the lesson Mummy?’ asked Milly. ‘I will be along later dear’, I said, ‘but first I have to see a man about a sheep.’ ‘what about a sheep?’ asked Milly. ‘Well’, I explained, ‘He’s going to chop off all the sheep’s fur so I can write about it on the blog’. Milly thought for a moment. ‘What’s his name Mummy?’ she asked. ‘Alan’ I said. She thought some more. ‘So he told you his name was Alan the Shearer then, mummy?’ ‘Yes dear, what’s so strange about that? Actually his friend will be there too.’ ‘And what did his friend tell you was his name, mummy? Asked Milly. ‘Hmm, let me think, Freddy I think he said, Freddy the Shepherd.’ ‘Mummy’, Milly began, ‘you know you said you wanted to reach out and get to the heart of the North East?’ ‘Yes dear?’ I replied. Milly sighed and raised her eyebrows ‘Keep working on it mummy, You've got a way to go yet I think’, she said, looking very wise for her years, and then she pulled the duvet over her head and began pretending to snore very loudly. I don't think Milly takes me seriously sometimes, sigh, in fact I bet she doesn't even know that you can vote every day untill the 13th June in the blogpower awards.

25 comments:

mutterings and meanderings said...

Oh Rilly, Alan the Shearer and Freddy the Shepherd are so last season ..

@themill said...

..., but still fleecing everyone M&M

Omega Mum said...

You know what's happening, don't you? Milly is negotiating her own publishing deal and damn well isn't giving you any decent copy till it's signed. Frisk her for hidden microphones.

J.J said...

Well you definitely win the prize for best blog post title - Inspired!

Linda said...

Rilly Dear, for a second I thought you'd written that you were off to Staples. Do they have such super office equipment stores in the North? There is one in Telford. And a Primark too -have you tried these darling little shops? By the way, do you take the Telegraph? As I am in it today :)
Pip pip.
Linda

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Rilly darling, I suggest you get Tilly and Milly out of bed and onto their PCs toute suite, i've just voted for you and, shock horror, I fear the purchase of shoes may be in jeopardy!

Daily Referendum said...

What are these Blogpower awards you talk of Rilly?

Maybe all of your visitors should go over there to see what it is all about. I understand there are some excellent blogs in category six. (best political blog)

Best Regards

Daily Referendum

(Nominated best political blog)

Oh, did I mention category six?

aims said...

I'm afraid this one sails completely over my head - all I could do was go and vote while wondering who Alan and Freddy are....

rilly super said...

M&M, I hope you didn't mean to continue with ...along with the rest of the mags, because that would be very unkind, you rapscallion, you

&mill, well, thanks alot for stealing my best gag which I've been saving for my next post! sob, sob. Have securicor not delivered your season ticket then?

omegamum, I bet your're right you know, she has been acting very strangely. I wouldn't mind of course, it's just that I rather fear her book would be better than mine, sigh

JJ, thankyou. I have been trying to intoduce Milly and Tilly to the old classics you know, but when I put Nirvana on they just look embarassed by their old mummy and turn up Lily Alan on their ipods. youth today, huh!

Linda, I don't take it, I buy it, thankyou very much. And as for suggesting I visit Primark, if you can't say anything nice...! Jolly well done by the way. I did read the article but I fear that my comment will end up in the same place as my one on the Polly Toynbee (hallowed be her name) article on CIF last week, sigh

nunheadmum, it does seem as if loving descriptions of interior decorating maybe sadly not be everyone's cup of lapsang soushong, but they are just common. I will contact blogpower and point out that a strife in the north reader is worth ten of bryan appleyard's or that eugene fellow's so he should weight the scores accordingly.

mr 'I never heard of blogpower awards, its just a coincidence I have huge links to them on both sidebars' referendum, thanks for dropping by, and I did mention you earlier I think, but anyway, yes, I would recommend a ook at the other categories. I've been voting for you of course

aims, I had to ask my neighbour about this after Milly's reaction yestrday. it seems that Alan Shearer was a chap who kicked a football around for Newcastle United untill he couldn't play on rainy days any more because of his arthritis and because his zimmer frame sunk into the grass. My neighbour told me that now he just sits with a rug over his lap in some home and wishes he'd played for Middlesbrough. It's a tragic tale by the sound of it, sob. Freddy Shepherd is the chairman of Newcastle, or at least he is for the time being I am given to understand...

debio said...

Never thought of donating my child to Madonna - such an inspired idea. Just don't think she will be maleable enough....

I Beatrice said...

Rilly, I always feel like the dull-witted old Grandma (which of course I am) when I visit your pages. All those splendidly up-with-it Mummies with their witty ripostes - it's no place for the likes of me!

You were kind enough to visit me however, and to imply that you might even try to stagger through some of my instalments (Poor you! Don't even try it, is my advice!)...... So I thought it the least I could do to come here and tell you that I do visit, albeit mostly without trace - and that I shall try to find out where the polling station is, and cast my vote for you.

Anonymous said...

quick folks - rilly is slipping behind into the silver medal position- we can do better than that can't we ??

Anonymous said...

Starting to find this far more entertaining than the original WITN.

Pig in the Kitchen said...

it's neck and neck Rilly!
Pigx

Drunk Mummy said...

Great title - I understand that the 'Teen Spirit' of the original refers to a roll-on deodorant. I suppose the UK version would have to be 'Smells like Mum' then?
Hmmm - not quite so rock'n'roll.

Lizzie said...

In some of these parts it's considered quite odd to 'see a man about a sheep'. Many prefer to cut out the middle man, dear.

Marianne said...

I have only one thing to say.

Vote for Rilly! Vote now! Just do it!

Jack Havana said...

I'll happily put my "x" in your box anytime, dear Rilly.

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