Monday, June 04, 2007

glummer holiday

I'm most terribly sorry for not having posted anything for a week but it has of course been half term and I thought I should try and spend some time with the children, otherwise I'd have nothing to write about on the blog. The holiday has been a bit of a disappontment though. One day we drove down to London to go to the cinema. The local northern cinema hasn't quite got the latest releases yet in fact I think their main feature last week was the The Great Dictator. Besides being in black and white, I hardly think a film about some unelected leader giving himself draconian powers is relevant to us today and trying to concentrate on a film whilst some chap sits under the screen playing with his massive organ is hardly an experience to take you away from real life for a couple of hours is it. My husband had reassured me that the film we were going to watch would really help me relax so we sat there eagerly awaiting inner peace and contentment and flexible joints. My husband hurriedly checked the tickets when about four hours of people swinging from yard arms and walking planks began. It seemed that Pilates in the Carribean had been an unfortunate misprint in the listings. I'll Just have to buy the DVD I suppose. If I wanted to spend the afternoon with a whole bunch of people swinging I need only have gone to the next village. Not only would I save a tenner on the ticket price but I'd get a G&T as well. Anyway, best not mention that whole subject as my agent might send me on one of his spend a token day doing some local activity to make it look like you're blending in whilst getting some good copy for the book days and there's some sacrifices I won't make for my art, although that G&T does sound sound attractive, sigh. Anyway, now it's all over, the children are back at school, my husband is back in London, and all I'm left with is the memory of a few hours spent with a man with a penchant for heavy eye makeup, well, and Johnny Depp too, sigh.

24 comments:

I Beatrice said...

What a disappointment that must have been for you, Rilly! PILATES IN THE CARIBBEAN would of course have been every woman's dream way of spending an afternoon! (Also an inspired spoof on your part, if I may say.)

But really (sorry, rilly) your husband can't be blamed for thinking that a little bit of swash and buckling might buck you up. I like a good bit of swash, myself....

rilly super said...

it was a long way to go beatrice, but I suppose he meant well, sigh. not much to show for a week's holiday though, sob. Still, maybe the sunday times will see this and decide they need a new film critic...

The thinker said...

I was feeling bit low and deprived - as Google have cut me off in my Prime - they think I'm a spamming robot (blo**y cheek, criticising my writing like that!!)and until a real person reads over my blog I am unable to post. But having found your latest 'gift to the nation' I ended up crying with laughter rather than crying from my blogging withdrawal sympotms. Thank you - very clever - and welcome back.

EmmaK said...

I heard that Pirates of the Caribbean is total crap? Am I right?

If you are bored, set up a video camera on a tripod in your front room and put on the TV, a show like Baywatch or something with sea in it, put a bit of sand on the floor, scatter around some potted plants. Voila, the Caribbean. Then get into a neon green thong leotard like the one Borat wore and do the pilates and film it. Then makes copies of the video. This sexy Pilates of the Caribbean video will have MILF lovers parting with loads of cash I guarantee it. Soon you will be rich. Try it?

aims said...

I am embarrassed to sound like an idiot - again - but what is G&T?Gin and tonic perhaps?

I was beginning to go into withdrawals with you gone a week Rilly - I'm glad you're back...

(that playing with his massive organ - a good one)

debio said...

Such a long way to go for such disappointment...but that's men for you

Couldn't you have gone AWOL and found some real excitement in Sin City?

rilly super said...

thinker, the same thing happened to chip dale I believe so don't take it personally. Thanks for dropping by and for being so kind.

emma, are you available to produce this video, it sounds like you have done something similar already

aims, I'm just glad you didn't ask what MILF stands for, but yes, G&T is gin and tonic, mothers ruin as some call it, the only thing that stops mother running away screaming as others call it

debio, being with one's spouse and engaging in anything that can be remotely classed as sin seem to be mutually exclusive, sigh

PS thanks to whoever nominated me for that blogpower award thingy

The thinker said...

I saw the nomination and wanted to second it - but couldn't find out how to do it - I wondering whether its set up for the site owner only to get more than one vote.

Was it a 'massive' electric organ - or what?

Glad to think I in same boat as Chip n Dale - beginning to have an outbreak of paranoia.

The thinker said...

I tried to explain to My Man what made me laugh out loud - by the time I had explained about 'The Pirates of the Carib' as against 'Pilates' and 'NO NOT Plates - I didn't say PLATES!!' - I gave up. So here I am again for a bit of intelligent conversation.

mutterings and meanderings said...

And I thought maybe you'd drowned in Bargain Booze ...

At least you got to spend some time with Mr Super (and the delightful Mr Depp)...

@themill said...

What a pity that Mr Super and Johnny Depp are not one and the same. Cracking form again, Rilly.

Drunk Mummy said...

Dear Rilly - such a shame about the cinema experience. Maybe you should try and see Ocean's 13 when it comes out (isn't that a film about an aqua-aerobics class?)

Anonymous said...

'Piles of the Caribbean' could be good - or perhaps that's just sour grapes.

I haven't seen any of these swashbuckling sagas -

From your adoring (but rather common, forgive me) fan, Linda

lady macleod said...

LOL - as always. I am so with you on the Johnny Depp (sigh) yearning.

Motheratlarge said...

Poor you, Rilly! What a disappointment for you. Still, at least you've got the memories to keep you going. Hang onto those. Sounds like you might need them.

I Beatrice said...

And still nobody has been kind enough to tell me - what is LOL?

"Piles in the Caribbean" though, I liked that too, he-he......

The thinker said...

Dear ibeatrice - LOL is when some of us southerners who like to sound 'trendie and liverpoolish' [city of culture, you know] say we are having 'a LOL of fun'.

mutterings and meanderings said...

iBeatrice - LOL is internet speak for 'laugh out loud'

Pig in the Kitchen said...

Rilly, very glad you are back. I think you should go to a swinging party or do something of local interest, it could provide us with much entertainment (and a clue to where you really are!). Pigx

J.J said...

The idea of Johnny Depp leaping through my bedroom window dressed as a pirate remains positively one of my most favourite fantasies.

Sarnia said...

I've not seen any of the Pilates films. I did catch, however, Mark Kermode on 5 Live last Friday week ranting for 15 minutes about how AWFUL the film was.

It was hysterically funny (the rant) and I'd recommend anyone to listen to it via the Listen Again feature.

He described Keira Knightly (sp?) as being so wooden she was like a petrified forest etc etc etc.

I really do feel for you Rilly; not only do you have to live somewhere where it rains a lot and people speak funny you also have to watch crap films too.

How you manage to keep going I just don't know.

Marianne said...

Rilly, I don't have an award for you - sorry, but I have tagged you. Hope you don't mind. Lovely to see you back!

rilly super said...

thinker, I got enough nominations to go through to the vote so looks like you got your's in eventually, thanks, and thankyou for saying you come here for intelligent conversation!

M&M, Mr D is a dish, but unfortunately he does fall foul of my natural retiscence regarding ham acting and white people with dreadlocks in this particular film. It would probablt OK, if only his female lead actually acted at all

@mill, well, I've never seen them in the same room before...

drunkmummy, how many of those can they go up to?! bring back Sinatra and Martin, why has nobosy got style anymore?

Linda, it is such a bloody long film that 'Piles of the carribean' is not that far off. Nothing common about you, my dear, by the way

me ladyship, if he takes off all the makeup then I suppose he brushes up ok, sigh, she says, lustfully...

Mother at large, yes, memories, all alone with my memories...sigh

Hi beatrice, and welcome again. i think an inflatable cushion will be required for any further sequels in this franchise..

rilly super said...

PITK, the thing is with these things is that one needs a husband who is around to swap, sigh

JJ, I'm sure Mr JJ would be only too happy to oblige should Mr depp be unable to drop in due to filming commitments, after a full health and safety risk assessment and medical has been carried out, of course

sarnia, I think Widow Twanky came to mind when poor keira appeared in her chinese outfit. I think she was being chinese anyway, or possbily on the way to appear in the Mikado. I do so much appreciate your sincerely felt sympathy though dear

marianne, you can help me get an award by voting for me, not that I would ever ask anyone to vote for me of course. sorry that half term has kept me away for a week but I have to spend some time with the children I suppose to get copy for the blog, this sacrifices i have to make, sigh