Thursday, June 14, 2007

a hopeless dawn

Wife in The North poured out the last of the gin and wiped her eyes. She was even more upset than I was at not winning the most consistently entertaining Blogpower award. ‘Thanks ever so for coming round Rilly’, she sobbed. I smiled sympathetically, trying to hide my own pain at having lost to Bryan Appleyard. Outside, a tall ship sailed past on the ocean, it's rigging clearly visible to everyone for miles around. ‘You’ve been like a sister to me’, said Wifey. ‘I knew Bryan when I worked for the Sunday Times of course’, she began. ‘He was always ruthless, even back then. We always used to say don’t upset the Appleyard whenever there was a difficult job that needed giving to someone.’ We both took out our handkerchiefs and had a good blow, drowning out the North Sea fog horn just outside the kitchen window. ‘You mustn’t be too downhearted though, Rilly’, she reassured me. ‘Remember that Bryan gets paid to write his stuff. He doesn’t have to go to a proper job as well so he has all the time in the world to write his blog and promote himself’. I permitted myself a weak smile of agreement despite my own grief as my gaze wandered over to the black kettle and matching pot that sat atop the aga. ‘I suppose you have to be getting back’, she sighed, standing up. I nodded. ‘Perhaps you should take a holiday Rilly, darling, get away from it all for a bit’. she suggested. I thought that sounded like good advice. Suddenly she grabbed my arm. ‘Oh Rilly!’ she exclaimed. ‘You’re not going to write about our chat on your blog are you?’ I smiled reassuringly. I walked down the garden path, and turned to wave goodbye. A cold wind blew in from the sea so I dug my hands deep into my pockets, and switched off the tape recorder. A holiday, I thought, was just what I needed. I got in the car, switched on the sat-nav navigation thingy, and typed in airport.

37 comments:

lady macleod said...

You are an evil cruel hearted wench. I love it!

Anonymous said...

Do you know, I am getting sexually aroused just reading this. Who needs Katie Hopkins for al fresco friskies when one has Rilly Super for rolly polley ?

Anonymous said...

at the least wifey never did the "begging thing" for votes, I used to find this blog funny, now I just find it boring and on the verge of cruel...........maybe the green eye monster etc etc etc

Anonymous said...

perhaps the lesson from wifeys blog of don't go somewhere when you don't like it there is one you havent quite learnt then anonymous 1.03, or do you jut come here because rilly allows anonymous comments?

Emma Blasi said...

LOL anon and what about you. Where is your name??? this is mine.

mutterings and meanderings said...

Despite being cruelly robbed of the award at the last minute, I must say this is the most consistently entertaining blog entry I have read today...

Lizzie said...

Have a lovely holiday, Rilly.

debio said...

Oh, rilly, I am crying out loud! The injustice...good to see that you are not taking it well!

Jack Havana said...

For God's sake, don't go far on your holidays, Rilly. My daily grind at the laptop of life will be that much harder without your prose. I gave you one every day during your campaign for votes- I hope you noticed - and all to no avail. Fear not, Appleyard is pretty dull and Wifey appears to have gone bonkers.
And apropos of absolutely none of the above, don't you think this song and video is great?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rU3vGQn1Jjo

aims said...

Well Rilly - with so much fodder in other blogs around - I was wondering what you were going to come up with.....very good.

But - if you take a holiday - then the future of entertainment looks rather bleak.....

Stay at home dad said...

I love it when anonymous talks to him/herself.

Rilly, while some vessels need rigging, some plainly have clear water between them and the rest.

@themill said...

Rilly, so cruel - not winning that award of course. My poor old knees clicked for you everyday, but obviously to no avail. Perhaps you can stretch to Woolies sandshoes for the children.
Why does anon talk to him/her self?

@themill said...

Oops, sorry. Just realised I made much the same comment as SAHD re anon. How careless of me.
BTW have a good holiday

Pig in the Kitchen said...

Rilly, i think i'm a bit dim, i'm never really sure what's real in your blog, for one bizarre instant i did wonder if WITN really had come to visit you...anyway, you make me laugh, although i'm wondering if it's the laugh of the village idiot when she sees everyone else laughing but she herself is laughing at something completely different...

god, i'm sounding as strange as your anons!
Pigx

J.J said...

U wus robbed.

andy said...

Still fantastic Rilly... well done on BP!

dulwichmum said...

Darling Rilly,

You are fantastic. Please don't go away for long. You were robbed. People are very brave aren't they on the internet - very rude and yet unwilling to create something for us to critique, although perhaps they have created a rubbish blog, and we are too polite. They are just rude amd have no talent. Rilly you are ruper!

The thinker said...

Cruelly robbed by an old pro - nevermind - lets hope TB will mention you in his retiremnet honours list. Lady Rilly Super.
I was so busy voting for you each and every day ... but far too many of your adoring audience were too lazy to lift a finger - just when you needed it..
I had dug out an old photo and could just picture you at the awards ceremony see: http://sidmouth-town.blogspot.com/2007/06/pen-pals.html
Never mind - better things are around the corner - "like bright metal" - your worth will be seen ... sometimes all that glistens is pure gold.

Anonymous said...

Rilly, I am surprised that you have not blogged about watching the series Mary, Queen Of Shops starring that ravishing redhead 'Scary' Mary Portas the doyenne of the fashion industry and the girl who put the pizzazz into Harvey Nichols [Or Harvey Nicks as I believe you fashion aficionados know it]. She was in Doncaster last week, having previously been in Brighton and Surrey. So I feel it is only a matter of time before she is 'down your way' so to speak.

Just think how wonderful it would be if you could 'accidentally' bump into her as she visits a local boutique and asks you what fashion tribe you belong to.. Just think, a star column and blog in the Tottygraph will soon be yours if she puts in a kind word for you.

Drunk Mummy said...

Dear Rilly, you were indeed unjustly robbed of the title. But never mind dearest, you know that coming second is always the sign of a real lady.

The thinker said...

Bugger being a lady - I would have thought coming first, then second and again third would be far more saitsfying.

EmmaK said...

Rilly, methinks you really need a break, sans kids, some hot flirtations with some hot Greek toyboys...just a thought...I'm tempted to join you! have fun xxx

Anonymous said...

Oh Rilly, is this hopeless Dawn the one with the famous crack?

I think we've all been up at it now and again.

Anyway, as they said on Britain's Got Talent,

"You're all winners here."

Good Day to you, onwards and upwards. Ra!

Linda

Anonymous said...

Rilly - Read this ! someone is trying to muscle in on your territory !!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=463216&in_page_id=1879

liv said...

made the hop from clair....love you!

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Darling Rilly, come back to us soonest

NMO x

Marianne said...

There must be some mistake. Bryan is sometimes interesting, but never entertaining. In fact, I de-blogrolled him ages ago.

Come back soon, Rilly.

rivergirlie said...

come back soon. we miss you
x

Pig in the Kitchen said...

are you ever coming back Rilly? Please do.
Pigx

Anonymous said...

Rilly's done a runner - do you think we should set up a search party ?

Any guesses as to where we should start looking ? I vote to cover the local pub and look for some leads there...

"If we split up, we can cover more ground that way..."

Beth said...

I think she's gagged & bound in someone's pantry.

Anonymous said...

beth -eeekk! you may be right !

surely someone knows the village where wifey lives ?? only to ask if she has spoken to her recently you understand..

The thinker said...

'They' say a week is a long time in politics - but they obviously not readers of Rilly's blog - gawd what along week its been. She might be too busy bailing out her place with a bucket or worse still - she might have run off with Tony Bliar to help sort out the squabbling Middle East?

The thinker said...

Ah ha! beth - so you think wifey has blognapped her - to up her ratings you think? Shall we start a 'free Rilly' sticker campaign for out blog pages? lets all boycott the WITN blog till Rilly comes out into the bright light of daylight.

Pig in the Kitchen said...

Beth, of course, how clever you are. WITN has perhaps buried her under the foundations of her new house? How blind we have all been.

Anonymous said...

the thinker - 'fraid you'll have to count me out; I haven't read WITN for several weeks, and certainly not since our darling Rilly has gone AWOL..

I feel a 'Free Rilly Super' t-shirt coming on, and for those of you that are old enough to remember, a paint campaign along the lines of 'Free George Davies'..

I'm not sure who George Davies was [this was before the time of the Next chappie] but I became aware of the man's innocence when slogans were painted every-flippin-where - they wouldn't make that sort of effort for a guilty man...

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